hey guys :)

intake: cheese + pickle sandwhich no butter (bleugh)

          4 carrot sticks

nothign else for me today. im feeling slightly stronger ive sent myself some presents from ebay :) check it out :P i love the red hoody, the green and blue thing is synthetic dreads for my hair :) i also got some long black hair extentions..

so not alot else planned for today, my mum keeps nagging me about finding a job, and i have waitressing tonight at the chinease. (not where i wanna spend the rest o me life) then gona get high with the boyfriend. cant beleieve im moving into his place in liek 6 days! i  didnt think his flat mates liked me that much, liam and stu were nice i knew stu anyway, and samn this really skinny girl didnt seem to like me to start with but i think ive proved to be a good decent person to have around there place so there opening up and talking to me and stuff. which is nice. felix myy ex keeps ringing me, he wants me to go stay the night at his at the end of the month. i think its motivation to lose weight, im not gona sleep with him, but i will share a nice day with him AND WANT HIM TO WANT ME BACK so i can just blow him off and say im now living with m new boyfriend, see how he likes the pain.

my feet are freezing so im gona go have a bath (plus i smelly :S) i cant wait to see how my life changes when i move in with perry and im not gona have expectations of anything just going to let things slide :) i need to sleep.

right you'll have to ignore any stupid comments i write as im a lil high.. :)

so xanga seems really quiet, and not enough comments! so ive had a lil binge and a lil think, im seeing my ex felix at the end of the month, if i can lose quite a bit of weight that would be awsome, i bought some black hair extentions and some green synthetic dreads online earlier so im gona look really differant when i see him. although im with someone else now, im still allowed to see 'him'. i do miss him. and he said he was going to meet me during his time at home from uni, but he said he couldnt. and that i could come up to spend the night at his on my way to see my older sister in manchester. mmm.

last time i weighd which was a couple days ago i was 10 stone 2. fucking 10 stone, i vowed i wouldnt ever be that weight again when i hit 8 1/2 stone :) i miss being that weight so much. so im thinkin i need to get on fast. starting now, 10.45 at night. until the end of the month. plan:

daily - on each day you are allowed a certain number of foods.

MONDAY: 5 items and unlimited drink - 30 mins exercise

TUESDAY: 3 items and only water - 45 mins exercise

WEDNESDAY: 4 items and unlimited coffee + water - 30 mins exercise

THURSDAY: FAST - only water and walking

FRIDAY: 2 items and unlimited drink 30 mins exercise

SATURDAY: 3 items and water - no exercise

SUNDAY: 5 items and water 1 hour exercise

now this makes sense in my head as i made it for myself it's kinda following the negative calorie diet so all this food is good for me. i will also take 1 multivitamin tablet a day.

VEG    

Cucumber
Garden cress
Garlic
Green Beans
Beet Root
BroccoliLettuce
Onion
Radish
Spinach
Cabbage
Carrot
Cauliflower
Celery

FRUIT

Apple
Blueberries
Cantaloupe
Cranberry
Grapefruit Honeydew
Lemon/Lime
Mango
Orange
Papaya
PeachPineapple
Raspberry
Strawberry
Tomato
Tangerine
Turnip
Watermelon

DRINKS - black coffee, squash, juice, water.

i miss him so much. its killing me.

Just another fucking day.

..But today hasnt been a good day. the past week has slowly gone downhill. im moving back home for a few weeks soon while i sort out a flat of my own. lost most my friendship group that id been so lucky to make today. got screamed at by someone i was going to move in with in january, he seemed slightly crazy as he was being a complete twat to me for no reason, and everyone else in the room looked slightly shocked but didn't say anything. i dont need anyone for now, i think its for the best as i need to focus on finding a job and a new home in the space of a month. omg im so stressed. really. my life feels like its flittering between my fingers. And ther some bony ass fingers.

fasting as of now, 2am going 24 hours. update tomorrow, i dont see how im going to get through it but we'll see.

hours: 6 [X] 12 [X] 24 [X]

edit// i managed the fast then binged cos i got high with felix

hey everyone, not gona bother tryin to explain why i havent been on here in a while, u know how it is. im waiting for sleepy felix to wake up so i thought i'd come on here and try this thing again.

current weight is like, 9 stone 13 :| hah my goal is to be 8 stone still, and ive figured a way im gona do it. i have £20 to spend on food this week, but its on a store card, and i have no other money, so i may aswell buy food, im gona buy:

fruit (lots)

oat buiscuits

squash

soup and low fat noodles.

i think that will be alright for the week, i have some cookies back at mine but ill just eat one then give the rest to my room mate.

ive missed so much college this week and last week, and its like im scared to go back, im gona do as much study tonight as i can and be prepared for going in 2moro, i sent my tutor an email explaining i havent been in due to a personal problem (being depression) so i think im off the hook :)

update later